The Secret to Effective Discipline in 3 Simple Steps
When I was studying education at college before I had kids I learned a simple strategy to use when a child is acting inappropriately and you want to turn a child away from a certain unwanted behaviour.
It was taught to me as a strategy to use in the classroom, but I have often used it throughout my parenting and have found it very useful and wanted to pass it on to you all here.
The secret of its effectiveness is it's simplicity. Simple to remember and simple to carry out.
1/ First state to the child the behaviour that you want to change:
"I see you want to...."
2/ Then explain why that behaviour is inappropriate:
"You can't do it now/here because...."
3/ Lastly let the child know where or when it is appropriate to do whatever the child is trying to do.
"You can do it ..." (where/when).
For example, your child is drawing on the wall. You could say something like this:
" I see that you want to draw on the wall. We don't draw on the walls in the house because it's very difficult to clean. But you can draw on a piece of paper, or you can draw on the wall/ground outside with chalks."
If for example, your child is getting a game out just as you are getting ready to go out you may say something like this:
" I see that you want to play a game now, but we're just getting ready to go out. If you want I'll play with you when we get back" or "...you can bring it with you."
In The Art Of War
, Chinese general Sun Tzu states that the best way to win a conflict is to prevent it before it starts.
Not that we're at war with our children, but surely we want to create peace in our homes.
It was taught to me as a strategy to use in the classroom, but I have often used it throughout my parenting and have found it very useful and wanted to pass it on to you all here.
The secret of its effectiveness is it's simplicity. Simple to remember and simple to carry out.
1/ First state to the child the behaviour that you want to change:
"I see you want to...."
2/ Then explain why that behaviour is inappropriate:
"You can't do it now/here because...."
3/ Lastly let the child know where or when it is appropriate to do whatever the child is trying to do.
"You can do it ..." (where/when).
For example, your child is drawing on the wall. You could say something like this:
" I see that you want to draw on the wall. We don't draw on the walls in the house because it's very difficult to clean. But you can draw on a piece of paper, or you can draw on the wall/ground outside with chalks."
If for example, your child is getting a game out just as you are getting ready to go out you may say something like this:
" I see that you want to play a game now, but we're just getting ready to go out. If you want I'll play with you when we get back" or "...you can bring it with you."
In The Art Of War
, Chinese general Sun Tzu states that the best way to win a conflict is to prevent it before it starts.Not that we're at war with our children, but surely we want to create peace in our homes.