How to Feel Positive Towards your Partner
Raising small kids can be stressful and there are periods when sometimes our partner just seems to add to the stress.
Loving What Is
Any stressful thoughts that pop up into your mind about your partner will disappear when you begin to examine them.
Ask yourself of the negative thought 'Is that really true?'
- 'Should he really be parenting my way?'
- 'Should he really be acting differently from the way he does with me/the kids?'
- 'Should he really be saying, doing, being, thinking...anything than what he is?'
Because when you argue with reality you are at war with it.
Peace comes from choosing what is.
The thought brings you stress. Without the thought you have peace.
And so you will begin to see that the stress comes not from the situation but from your story, the drama that your mind makes up about the situation.
When you start to believe the thought 'my partner doesn't appreciate me' you will begin to notice your mind creating mental pictures to prove that the thought is true.
Then you begin to come up with ways to 'punish' him.
You imagine leaving and how sorry he will be, you give him looks, withdraw, you stop appreciating him yourself and become resentful. Your mind has a whole world of drama outside reality.
The reality is: two people living together trying to raise their children as best they can. That's all. And it's beautiful.
Maybe it's you partner's job to challenge the status quo, to awaken you to other ways of raising children. Doesn't he do it well! What a blessing - there is still so much to learn.
Positive Statements
It helps to consciously create positive statements about your partner that you can refer to or remember in time of need.
On a piece of paper or in a journal write down some positive statements about your partner and put them where you will see them often.
To give you some ideas as you start writing your own statements I am posting here what I recently wrote about my husband:
"My partner makes me feel loved, sexy, beautiful and special.
My partner lets me be who I am, do what I want to do, express all my emotions.
What a great example of how to love.
Why would I ever want to look elsewhere.
Noone else has anything they could offer me that I don't already have."
Everytime I read it I get a warm feeling inside my rib cage. I am so blessed.
This is what we need to keep a hold of when the small details of the day cause us to annoy each other.
In addition to already being a great mother to your children, you can now also be a wonderful role model for them of a loving, healthy partnership.
Once you positively affirm and appreciate your partner on a regular basis, you cannot help but adopt an attitude of gratitude not only towards your partner but also in your everyday life.
"Once we begin to question our thoughts, our partners - dead, alive, or divorced - are always our greatest teachers. There's no mistake about the person you're with; he or she is the perfect teacher for you, whether or not the relationship works out, and once you enter enquiry, you come to see that clearly." - Byron Katie, Loving What Is
Loving What Is
Any stressful thoughts that pop up into your mind about your partner will disappear when you begin to examine them.
Ask yourself of the negative thought 'Is that really true?'
- 'Should he really be parenting my way?'
- 'Should he really be acting differently from the way he does with me/the kids?'
- 'Should he really be saying, doing, being, thinking...anything than what he is?'
Because when you argue with reality you are at war with it.
Peace comes from choosing what is.
The thought brings you stress. Without the thought you have peace.
And so you will begin to see that the stress comes not from the situation but from your story, the drama that your mind makes up about the situation.
When you start to believe the thought 'my partner doesn't appreciate me' you will begin to notice your mind creating mental pictures to prove that the thought is true.
Then you begin to come up with ways to 'punish' him.
You imagine leaving and how sorry he will be, you give him looks, withdraw, you stop appreciating him yourself and become resentful. Your mind has a whole world of drama outside reality.
The reality is: two people living together trying to raise their children as best they can. That's all. And it's beautiful.
Maybe it's you partner's job to challenge the status quo, to awaken you to other ways of raising children. Doesn't he do it well! What a blessing - there is still so much to learn.
Positive Statements
It helps to consciously create positive statements about your partner that you can refer to or remember in time of need.
On a piece of paper or in a journal write down some positive statements about your partner and put them where you will see them often.
To give you some ideas as you start writing your own statements I am posting here what I recently wrote about my husband:
"My partner makes me feel loved, sexy, beautiful and special.
My partner lets me be who I am, do what I want to do, express all my emotions.
What a great example of how to love.
Why would I ever want to look elsewhere.
Noone else has anything they could offer me that I don't already have."
Everytime I read it I get a warm feeling inside my rib cage. I am so blessed.
This is what we need to keep a hold of when the small details of the day cause us to annoy each other.
In addition to already being a great mother to your children, you can now also be a wonderful role model for them of a loving, healthy partnership.
Once you positively affirm and appreciate your partner on a regular basis, you cannot help but adopt an attitude of gratitude not only towards your partner but also in your everyday life.
"Once we begin to question our thoughts, our partners - dead, alive, or divorced - are always our greatest teachers. There's no mistake about the person you're with; he or she is the perfect teacher for you, whether or not the relationship works out, and once you enter enquiry, you come to see that clearly." - Byron Katie, Loving What Is