How you were Mothered - a Guide to Conscious Mothering

" Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her and all those who will come after her." - Dr. Christiane Northrup

How you were mothered is the central issue in your emotional and spiritual growth as a woman and as a mother. A more conscious look at how you were raised can lead to a quantum leap in your personal development.

So - how can you stop passing on the destructive patterns of behaviour that have been passed down from generation to generation? How can you consciously pass on to your daughter mental health and personal power instead of pain and destructive modes of behaviour?

The legacy you received from your mother includes:

  • How you feel about being female
  • What you believe about your body
  • How you take care of your health
  • What you believe is possible in life
You can make up for any problematic influences from your mother, any history of neglect, abuse, alcoholism or mental illness, any places where you mother was not supportive and healthy, when you Realise the importance of looking at your background and start taking steps to change this influence.
1/ Pregnancy
- How did your mother feel when she was pregnant with you?
- What were the circumstances surrounding your mother's pregnancy? Did she feel fearful, anxious and deeply unhappy, or was she safe, happy and fulfilled?
Think about it - your mother's thoughts, beliefs and emotions didn't just impact you on a psychological level and in the way she nurtured you after the birth, on a neurochemical level her well-being while you were in her womb affected the physical make-up of your brain.
2/ Nurturing
Do you remember how you always looked for your mother's approval?
When our mothers smile and talk to us we're ok. When our mother is not present or withholds love we feel abandoned. As mothers we have such a strong power to affect our child's feeling of well-being.
We have such high expectations of our mothers. We really expect them to be in some way divine and super-human. But it is a myth that women have some sort of built-in nurturing gene.
The ability to nurture is not inborn. It is a skill that needs to be learned and requires strength, discipline, intelligence, stamina and determination.
It is also required that you replenish your energy with self-care and self-development. When a mother does not look after herself the result is depression, anxiety or violence and often the only way then to meet those nurturing needs is through illness.
- Was your mother a role model for self-care? Or do you need to teach yourself healthy habits in order to be the role model for your child?
- Does your mothering come from a healthy desire to nurture or is it more a need to earn your child's love to affirm your own self-worth?
3/ Martyrdom
Martyrdom is a frequent and destructive characteristic of many mothers.
It arises when a mother gives her child the love and care that she doesn't feel she is worthy of receiving herself. When a woman puts her own needs low on her list of priorities her health and energy levels are affected by feelings of anger, resentment, isolation and fatigue.
The way out of martyrdom is to decide that you are worthy or love and care.
In recognising and stating your emotional needs you teach your daughter to do the same.
4/ Maternal Guilt
So much guilt gets passed down through the generations.
  • Feelings of not having done enough for the children
  • Work and career vs. being at home
  • Being at home but with limited financial resources
So much self-blame, pain and guilt. Blaming your mother and feeling guilty as a mother simply acts to freeze you in the role of victim and leads you to feelings of failure and illness. This is not a legacy you want to pass on.
5/ Mothering Types
- At one end of the scale are the non-traditional mothers. These are the women who have to meet their own inner creative needs. Motherhood does not fulfill them at a deep level.
- At the other end of the scale are the more traditional mothers. These are the 'earth mother' types for whom motherhood is the happiest and most fulfilling activity. She doesn't feel the need for a career and her focus is primarily on her children.
- In the middle are the mothers who have to meet needs both to nurture children and to pursue a career in varying degrees.
For many mothers in the past having children and caring for the home came at the expense of their own self-actualisation, hopes and dreams.
These days we owe a gratitude of debt to the women and mothers who have gone before us, who have carved the way to the freedom of choice that we have today.
You have the freedom to choose your mothering model and even to change it if you find it doesn't suit you and your needs, or the needs of your families.
You have also the resources to lead you to self-actualisation whether it is through mothering or in a career or both.
I invite you to use my website and the articles on this blog as a tool to help you on your journey to self-actualisation, self-discovery, self-development, self-care and self-awareness. No longer do you need to neglect yourself and your needs to grow as a mother, a woman and a human being. This is your one-stop resource to help put you back in touch with your inner light and inner compass so that you may be guided towards health, wholeness and personal power. I believe we owe our fore-mothers that much. Can you hear them cheering you on...?

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